Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The best job ever.


I saw him again. Once again he was right outside the McDonalds on Ponce. He had his special gloves. He had his whistle. He was annoying between twenty to thirty people at the same time. Who is this magic man, you may be asking? Why, it’s none other than the most useless public servant I have ever seen in my life. It’s the police officer directing traffic in the street outside of the McDonald’s driveway.

The first questing that came into my mind when I saw this man was obviously, why the hell would McDonald’s warrant a traffic cop? Then came, my tax dollars are paying for this kind of shit? I then wondered if the man had chosen this as his specific job, since I have seen him there a couple times now, or if he did something wrong and his supervisor decided to punish him by giving him the dumbest job in the city.

Not only does this guy have to perform a useless task all day long, but he has to have every car that passes hate him. While waiting in line for the traffic cop to let you go past McD’s, the air is filled with a cacophony of horns and angry yells.

“What the fuck is going on?”

“Get out of the fucking way!”

The most enjoyable part of watching this man work is the manner in which he does it. His movements are very theatrical; grand waving motions with his arms, superfluous use of his whistle, a slight hop in his step as if he is giddy to be directing traffic outside of McDonald’s.

It almost seems as if this man believes his job is the most important thing he will ever do with his life. I’ve never met him, so, maybe this is true. However, I think that paying an electric bill on time is probably more important than the service he is providing. I’m going to guess he at least came close to paying a bill on time at least once, which is good enough.

I first heard of this man from my roommate and figured he got lucky and saw the only time it would happen. Today marks the second time I have personally seen him which leads me to believe this man will be around for a while.

Halfway through writing this, I decided I needed a picture to illustrate the situation a little more clearly. (Yes, this is how important my days are. I have time to drive to McDonald’s and take a picture of a traffic cop.) I thought, “There’s no way he’s still there. I saw him over an hour ago. He probably just works around noon during lunch time.” That might at least make a little bit of sense. However, he is still there. It’s now the middle of the afternoon, McDonald’s was near empty, and this man is still there.

I’ve seen this man work a useless job with as much vigor as a mountain climber near the summit. I have a feeling there are a few cops on the street that couldn’t care less about their jobs. I would like to see my McDonald’s man chasing down some drug dealers on the news and see some asshole that gives out jaywalking tickets supervising a parking lot.

This, however, makes too much sense and will definitely never come to pass. A committed officer will continue being useless while useless cops are pulling us over for not using a directional while changing lanes.

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