Thursday, July 23, 2009

Japanese people are nuts.

Their culture seems to based around bright colors, loud noises, and all things cute. I imagine walking around Japan being like walking around an amusement park. It seems like it's full of magic and toys.

"What are you going to do today, sir?"

"Oh I don't know. Maybe I'll go to the arcade and high five a panda before going to work at the fireworks factory."

I've had a couple friends go over there and I heard some weird stories. Apparently there are deer everywhere in the city that are so used to people that you could walk right up to one and give it a backbreaker if you wanted to. I also heard about a Japanese bath house experience, but I don't remember it well enough to relay it here. I believe there was something about a dude that had climbed up on the sink to get a good look in the mirror to give his asshole a good cleaning. There also might have been something about an electrified bath.

I was floating around youtube, since I have far too much free time, and watched a handful of videos that illustrated how Japan is the weirdest place in the world.

First up, a commercial:

I know that American commercials occasionally have nothing to do with the product they are selling. That being said, I was quite surprised when I saw the pretzel-wafer things at the end. Doesn't it sound like they are saying "vagina" in the second clip? Also, the women in the last clip are a lot creepier than they need to be.

Next, an instructional video.

The dance doesn't seem necessary, but, hey, I've never tried using dance to learn a language. Maybe it helps to flail your arms about in an organized manner to learn how to form a complete sentence. I've heard that the best way to perform well on a test is to mimic the atmosphere you studied in while taking it. Meaning that if you eat while studying you should eat while taking the test. Using this approach, I am now picturing a Japanese woman about to shit in her pants in New York and having to dance while she explains her situation to a cab driver.

Japanese cute time:

I first heard of this cat on another blog. His name is Maru and I guess he's a big deal in Japan. The cat even has its own blog. I'm counting this as evidence that the country is obsessed with all things cute. This doesn't really attribute to my theory that the country is collectively crazy because cute things are pretty cool.

Game shows have balls on the other side of the world:

Japanese game shows have gotten pretty notorious for being out of their minds. There's even an American game show called "I Survived a Japanese Game Show." I've seen quite a few clips from these shows, but this might be my favorite. Watch the yellow guy get through and then watch everybody else get ruined. The point seems to be to rattle off a bunch of Japanese gibberish before you get whacked in the nads. I'm guessing it's somewhat of a tongue twister.

I want to go to Japan. Someone please send me there.

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