Sunday, July 5, 2009


I woke up today with scratches on my chest and back, bruises on my hips, and what looks to be a small alien growing under the skin on my left forearm. I remember people telling me they thought my wrist was broken, but I’ve broken bones before and I knew this wasn’t anything to worry about.

I attended a fourth of July party at a friend’s house. Ted and I showed up a little early in our home-made shirts to help set up the beer pong table and get the slip ‘n slide ready. That’s right, a giant slip ‘n slide like in the Smirnoff Ice commercial. People began showing up a little after noon. Beers were shotgunned almost immediately.

After a couple of hours we were ready to hit the slip ‘n slide. This amounted to a giant sheet of clear plastic covered in dish soap and moistened with a hose. There was a blue kiddie pool at the bottom which we were only able to fill halfway on account of the incline. The soap idea came after a guy tried to slide down with only water laid down. He slipped, but he definitely didn’t slide. He hit the ground like a sack of nails and tumbled his way down the hill. We decided to get some lubricant.

The ground underneath the plastic had sparse grass below it and hard dirt beneath that. We made a weak attempt at finding rocks and sticks before putting the plastic down, but we didn’t do too good of a job. This made sliding down the hill quite a painful experience. Boogie boards were brought out but we mostly ignored them.

At first, people were taking three step lead-ins to the plastic, which only took them about half way down and a very slow speed. Ted and I decided to show them how to man-up by going as far back as we could and shooting down the hill like bullets.

The scratches I found today came from these head-first slides, as well as the backwards slides, superman slides, and rotational slides. I’m guessing the bump on my forearm is from when I tried to surf down the plastic on one of the boogie boards. I really thought I’d do a much better job than I did.

After everyone was too hurt to continue slipping and sliding, we decided to focus on the other main activity of the day: Drinking. I had a sandwich before I left my house that day but I didn’t expect it to be the only thing I would eat all day besides jello shots. The jello shots were strong, but they weren’t too filling. No matter how many of them I ate. A person floated around the backyard with a tray of red and blue jiggly shots like a waitress. This way, you could sit on the grass, play with one of the dogs, and not even have to stand up to take a shot. The only tricky part was trying to keep the dogs from taking a drink of your punch or beer. Or both.

The day culminated in my attempting to fall asleep on the grass wearing broken sunglasses while holding onto a dog’s leash so it didn’t fight with the other dog. This was around 6 p.m.

However tired I was, it didn’t stop the festivities. People either yelled at me to get up or simply piled on top of me until I gave up on resting. The rest of the night consisted of a pretty hardcore freakout regarding a missing phone, fireworks that could be seen from the front porch, and an elevator trip with a dog. All in all, a pretty successful night.