Tuesday, August 4, 2009

9/11 and Hitler

So here are my dreams last night:

First up, 9/11.

I ran out of building two with the other firefighters and began walking down the street. I talked to some passersby as we witnessed five planes hit some random building.

“I don’t remember that happening,” I told them.

“You don’t remember?” a lady asked.

“Yeah, I’m actually, um, from the future.”

“Great, tell us how to get out of here!”

I first bet the woman two thousand dollars that the buildings would fall. She agreed. What a dumbass, I just told her I came from the future. We then start running down the street, since I knew the buildings would envelop the city in that horrible ash and debris.

We made it to a restaurant and barricaded ourselves in a stall in the men’s bathroom. We figured there were no windows so we would be safe. However, since we weren’t running from a tornado, simply being indoors would have been good enough.

I decided to go back outside to see what was happening. This is when two dudes on motorcycles showed up and brought me back to ground zero against my will. I guess they figured “fuck you” for no reason. Thanks assholes.

The buildings began to tumble and I had to outrun the cloud that was eating the city. This wasn’t too bad though, I simple flew away to safety.

Next, the Holocaust.

I was in a snowy climate with my family and friends. We were forced to walk around, some of us without coats or shoes. I’m not exactly sure what we were looking for. The guards gave us a lot of room but not enough to actually get away. They probably had barbed wire fences set up somewhere, those Nazis were pretty thorough.

After returning from this walk, keep in mind I was with a guy I’ve known since preschool and my family, we were made to sit in a theater type room. We watched a movie but the real excitement didn’t come until after the film was over.

Hitler came out. Let me rephrase this. Alien Hitler came out. He basically looked like a pile of spilled jelly that could walk. No face, no arms, no uniform. Just a purplish blob that we all knew to be Hitler.

The concentration camp we were in does this every night. They fill a theater with people and wait for Hitler to show up to decide if he will pull the lever or not. What does the lever do? It opens the floor to expose lava before the seats lean forward and dunk everybody in. But before this happens, we get an intermission.

We all walk into the lobby and discuss out chances.

“Do you think he’ll do it tonight?” I ask my brother.

“He’s been going nuts lately. He dunked everyone the last two nights.” I guess he was there but somehow didn’t die.

“Alright then, we gotta just run.”

“But they’ll shoot us!”

“I’d rather be shot than be slowly dipped into lava!”

This is where the dream ended. I’m guessing that we all got out safely and killed Hitler with a flying karate kick/chop combination. I mean, how else are you going to kill Alien Hitler?

I woke up at this point but was still drowsy. I was in that state that you don’t really know where you are. This is why I still thought I was going to have to face the lava. I literally lay in bed thinking how I was going to get away from the Nazis.

I then had to convince myself that I wasn’t in a concentration camp. I believe this involved sitting up and looking at my phone.

“They don’t allow phones in concentration camps!”

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