Sunday, November 22, 2009

Exciting Excitations.

I looked into the cupboard this morning to figure out what to eat for breakfast. Translation: Which kind of Ramen Noodles will I have today? I gazed onto the pile of square packages that reside behind the wooden door.

Chicken? No. Oriental? Nah. Wait a second. Is that? Yes! A package of roast beef flavored Ramen!

I hadn’t had this flavor for a while so I was excited to jump back into it. Almost immediately, I thought, “Well, that’s a strange thing to get excited about.”

Lately, I’ve found myself getting excited over mundane aspects of my days. I don’t know if my being poor and unemployed contribute to this, but I have a suspicion that it does.


A couple of nights ago, I ran into a bum. Weird, right? We were getting into my car as he started giving us words of wisdom. “Unlock my door. Unlock my door,” Ted repeated as I continued listening to the bum. We finally got inside the car and the bum walked on over and began telling us that he loves us. Which was nice. He saw the change collection I had and, of course, requested his share. I grabbed a handful of pennies and handed it to him. He asked for another, so I gave it to him. When he finally left I found myself excited that I had successfully avoided the three quarters while handing the man handfuls of pennies. I could easily turn those quarters into a burger from the dollar menu.

I found a giant cockroach in my bedroom last night as I was trying to fall asleep. I heard it. HEARD it. That’s how I learned it was there. It put on its loud boots and clomped around until it caught my attention. I saw it, swore, stood up, grabbed a shoe, and then contemplated the attack. After psyching myself up I finally ended it. As I picked up the shoe, the cockroach’s legs were still twitching and I continued yelling, “Oh no. Oh no. Oh no,” until it was fully flushed and out of my life. Then I got excited that I didn’t have to deal with it anymore.

Taking the dog out can prove to be an annoying experience. She has no attention span and is very stubborn. She’s like a child without a diaper or the potential to eventually clean up her own shit. So, when I take her out and she pees/shits immediately, I get excited. I don’t have to walk behind her going, “C’mon. C’mon!” I don’t have to step over the other piles of shit that other dogs have left behind. Most importantly, I can return to the couch without delay. I’ve always thought it funny that people get excited when dogs relive themselves (assuming I’m not alone in this). “Good girl! Yeah! Take that piss! This is awesome!” Picturing somebody standing behind a dog, making eye contact with the shit as it slides its way to the ground, and getting excited makes me laugh.

Maybe it’s a good thing to get excited about little things like this. I’ve always thought that if I could look at the world like a four-year-old, when everything was new and interesting, I would be much better off. I once watched a kid open and close a door, giggling like a drunk, for fifteen minutes. Click, open, slam, close, laugh. Repeat. That’s all he needed.

The more I think about it, I think this is just my inherent laziness coming out. If I can be happy opening and closing a door then I won’t have to go out and find something to entertain myself with. Whatever, I don’t mind. Maybe I should just start huffing paint fumes every day until I become clinically retarded.

We’ll just say that my getting excited about a new flavor of Ramen or holding onto my quarters after a bum attack are good things. Little spices to make my day better. We’ll ignore the connotations of an 18 cent meal and the perceived high value of quarters that point to my being a bum with a roof. Because, honestly, that’s all that is separating me and the man that told me he loved me in the parking lot of the grocery store.


  1. Both of our latest posts mention dog shit. Collective consciousness is real. We're geniuses. Either that or we're both sustaining the same blood alcohol level.

  2. I hate everything cockroaches stand for. I thought we were gonna play some Contra or something? Rush N Attack ain't gonna beat itself.