Friday, December 11, 2009

Elvis Sucks

I don’t understand why Elvis Presley is such a big deal to some people. I mean, he died on the toilet, so that’s kinda cool, but other than that I shouldn’t have to hear his name anymore. He was a hack.

I’ll give him the fifties. You can have that one. In the fifties he helped bring “black” music to “white” America. This is also a reason that I hate him, but I’ll get to that later. He was basically the Marilyn Manson of the “Leave it to Beaver” era. There’s the whole deal about being shot only from the waist up on Ed Sullivan, people saying that his music was the end to decency in America, FBI files reporting him as a danger, etc. He was basically a fancy shirt that showed a little too much cleavage. It enthralled some and aggravated others, so no matter what, everyone was talking about it.

Beyond that, he was just some shitty actor before he became a shitty nightclub act covered in sweat. Watching videos from his Las Vegas days is just depressing. He tries to thrown in the spices of his mid-fifties swagger but it just looks forced and pathetic.

People put this guy on a huge pedestal like he wrote the songs that defined the world. The thing is, he didn’t write his songs. His early hits were simply written for him or rip-offs from noteworthy, black, musicians. All Elvis did was repackage them into something the racist mainstream was able to accept. He was to blues and rock ‘n roll what Vanilla Ice was to rap: a shitty, consumer-friendly, white version of a style of music that would be recognized a few years down the road for its original merits.

Here's the original version of one of Elvis' first hits by Big Mama Thornton.



And Elvis' shittified version.



Presley was able to dupe some songwriters into letting him put his name as co-writer on some songs. He was even able to get full songwriting credits for “Heartbreak Hotel” even though he had nothing to do with it. The woman that wrote it just liked him and wanted to help him raise money. Bullshit.

He was able to dance around and make girls squeal. That’s about it. His voice sounds like a retarded fat dude with a speech impediment singing through a damp rag. The Backstreet Boys were able to make girls squeal. Will people be praising them like they invented the light bulb while walking on water forty years from now? Probably not, but, I guess, you never know.

Here’s Elvis in his Las Vegas “glory days.”



Weird, he’s singing a cover song. Just look at the outfit. This is what we know as the “Fat Elvis” get-up. How can people take this man seriously when he’s dressed up in a onesie fitted with jewelry that looks to be bought from a dollar store?

Elvis impersonators are funny, for all the wrong reasons. Elvis movies are funny, for all the wrong reasons. Anything after 1960 is funny because he turned into a caricature of what he was in the fifties. Elvis should be regarded as nothing more than some schlub that was able to trick the ignorant middle-class in the first years of television.

81 comments:

  1. FUCKING RIGHT ON MY MAN

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  2. Frustated songwriter, I guess?
    Pathetic article.
    You don't have to WRITE songs to get to people's heart and soul.

    Elvis will never be forgotten!
    I already forgot your name...

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    1. Hey pathetic Peter, stop calling someone's article pathetic when you can come up with pathetic reasons.

      Elvis will never be forgotten because we all want to say "Fuck Elvis" for American patriotism, and Elvis is a prick for wanting American to screw other countries up.

      Rockstar Games rule! Fuck Elvis!

      Delete
  3. the real king of rock and roll is chuck berry. elvis was just a commercial tool, but it was his manager(s) that used his face to sell records to teenage girls.

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  4. Elvis is taking over all of beatles life!
    STOP SUCKING ELVIS RIGHT NOW!
    No offense....
    Beatles are

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  5. LOL "THESE THINGS I KNOW", shit! Who cares what you know. Your just one of those other haters that doesn't have a life. GET A LIFE, MORON!

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    1. Shut the hell up, no life loser who tell someone to get a life! LAME~~~! Elvis sucks, and Rockstar Games rule!

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    2. Elvis was great, and the best looking man that has ever walked,his voice will never be match yeah he got into drugs,but he was great,the rest of his business,

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    3. Gina,how can he be best looking man than walked,that means you have seen every man in the world in comparision.Get real darling!

      Delete
  6. Glad to see someone tell it like it is! Very well written!

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  7. elvis haters are shit and that's a fact.

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    Replies
    1. lol, you will be hated by Rockstar Games Company and its fans, if your not afraid

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  8. Elvis was nothing but a man who lucked out at the right time. Another couple of years and he would have been a flash in the pan along with his fries peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

    He couldn't act,he couldn't sing and couldn't write. I feel for all you people that are still grouping on this loser after so many years and have missed out on so many fine musical "ARTISTS" yes artists not fakes. The very first elvis impersonator was elvis himself.

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  9. I don't even know who this Elvis is and I really don't care. He sounds like a really big lame ass douchebag. He is just like the turd that doesn't flush away.

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    1. Well said my friends! Let's download and buy Rockstar Games and enjoy hating Elvis.

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  10. My parents grew up on Elvis, he is their "King" His generation embraced him but he is relative to the age. I too have my kings/queens. I am now past the impressionable young mind that will cling to what it sees as the "shit" the time is relative, but it happens all the same. Elvis was the first of the "bottling" of talent. Yes other people wrote his music, yes he brought black music to white people. Someone had to, and in those times it wasn't going to be a "nigger" So, was he a hack? probably. Did he leave an impression? Here we are.

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    1. EPIC FAIL Racist!!!!!!!!!!! Elvis Sucked Asssssssssssssssssssssss

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  11. Elvis was a fantastic entertainer. He was not without flaws as an artist but he did much right too.

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  12. Elvis was the Britney Spears of his time! I don't get what other people hear in this guy and his recordings. I'll give him "That's all right mama" There is something raw and exciting about his version but everything after that was awful!

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  13. Dude....!!!
    Elvis WAS the 50s...he STANK afterwards.

    Elvis is overrated

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    Replies
    1. Agree, Elvis is indeed overrated!
      Even Rockstar Games Company hated him, so they put Elvis up in the GTA games along with civilians, so the character can kill him for fun.

      Delete
  14. Fuck you.
    Elvis is the best and will always be.

    I'd like to see you try to top him off you mother fucking idiot.

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    1. Elvis sucks, Rockstar Games rule!
      Rockstar Games rule for putting good musics, good for making Elvis killable in GTA games!

      Delete
  15. fucking prick
    stupid ass article.

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    1. Get your ass owned by gangsta!
      Elvis do suck, and I enjoy screwing with American fat civilians!

      Delete
  16. Its amazing how little people can know about a subject and yet offer their opinion.

    Elvis has received more accolades than any artist EVER. He has been heralded by peers, fans, musicologists, composers and people who are far more qualified to opine.

    Placido Domingo is considered one of operas greatest vocalist and he best summed it up in one sentence:
    "If I could have the voice of any other it would be his."

    There is literally not enough space, or time to list the laurels exhaustively. This in itself would be impossible as every moment some person is discovering or re-discovering this talented gift of a man.

    So therefore to completely disregard Elvis is to completely disregard hundreds of critics who truly understand his impact, his talent and his timelessness.

    There is much to be said that despite being type cast into ludicrous themed movies this man's talent and incredible Charisma kept and yet keeps generations watching such celluloid off-scouring as "Tickle Me", "Double Trouble" and "Harem Scarem"

    It is equally telling that even at the peak of his ballroom klitchse, at the lowest point of physical, and perhaps emotional health, when his beauty and magnetism had all but faded and he had become a mere parody of himself his talent never waned and continued to mature allowing him to stand alone at the highest level of his abilities and beyond those of his most able peers.

    Should it be noted that NEVER had a vocalist so easily , effortlessly and successfully navigated the waters between genres from country, to blues, standards, folk, rocka-billy and back again.

    The uninformed and the close minded will never appreciate Elvis and will stereo-type him as a hack, has been, or never was. That is a terrible shame and their own loss.

    I also noticed that people have no balls to even leave their name but choose to remain anonymous: I on the other hand am:

    Dr. R.W Stoufus
    bobstoufus@gmail.com

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    1. No, Michael Jackson has received more accolades than any artist EVER.

      And oooooh you're a doctor, goodie for you you arrogant jackass. Just couldn't resist showing off could you? How about you put that degree of your's to good use and pull that stick out of your ass?

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  17. This is genius. If you cannot write music, you should be considered a musician, much less an icon.

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  18. *should NOT. apparently I shouldn't be considered a writer.

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  19. *should NOT. apparently I shouldn't be considered a writer.

    No just a opinionated imbecile. Let start there OK. You foolish statement:

    If you cannot write music, you should NOT be considered a musician, much less an icon.

    How many HUNDRED of talented artists have you relegated to worthless by that statement.
    Also let me define the difference between a composer and a musician that matter since obviously you have no clue on the issue.

    mu·si·cian
       /myuˈzɪʃən/ Show Spelled[myoo-zish-uhn] Show IPA
    –noun
    1.
    a person who makes music a profession, especially as a performer of music.
    2.
    any person, whether professional or not, skilled in music.

    om·pos·er
       /kəmˈpoʊzər/ Show Spelled[kuhm-poh-zer] Show IPA
    –noun
    1.
    a person or thing that composes.
    2.
    a person who writes music.
    3.
    an author.

    Are you quite clear on the matter now?

    In parting: Heres one last definition which I am sure you are all too familiar with.

    fuckwit (ˈfʌkwɪt) [Click for IPA pronunciation guide]

    — n
    taboo , slang a fool or idiot

    Dr.R.W Stoufus
    bobstoufus@gmail.com

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  20. Elvis = Justin Beiber and that is that.

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    1. I like you, but I need to change it around a bit.

      Fuck Elvis for American patriotism!

      Fuck Beiber for being a fake ass idiot!
      Said by Carl Johnson of GTA SA:
      "Music business is changin', Dogg. It's all about dance routines and showmanship now. Any fake-ass idiot can get a record deal these days!"

      That's why I love Rockstar Games!

      Delete
  21. Finally some who hit the Elvis Crap right on the head! ELVIS SUCKED big time. He was the James Dean without the cool and talent. Elvis Crapalot was just the right look, the right 'tude and the right color to fork his way into "music's" Hall of Crap. Elvis opened no doors, set no world on it's ears and did not promote music in any fashion. Now take Led Zeppelin. THEY WERE GREAT! Elvis 'tude did not usher in REAL MONSTER ROCK. Give the credit to where it's due!

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    1. Yep Fuck Elvis for life!

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    2. elvis sucks but it doesn't make piece of shit,nonsensely overrated,music thieves led zeppelin sound better.

      Delete
  22. I like watching him with this big ass guitar strapped to him that he never plays like some prop. I did that too. In front of the mirror when I was 10. Nobody worshiped me though.

    Love the famous picture of him and Nixon. Apparently Michael Moore had to wait outside because if he was in the picture too, they would have exceeded the maximum amount of bullshit in one place and the world would have imploded.

    Fucking fat phony junkie. Whoop De Doo.
    Too pad he can't do a tour where he drops dead in random toilets across the USA

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  23. elvis invented karaoke people, have some respect.
    Lol

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    1. Elvis sucks! Rockstar Games rule!

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  24. Elvis Presley: The first wigger.

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  25. elvis was the beiber of his time, an untalented loser marketed towards white teenage girls

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    1. Everybody has the right to have their opinion but, a little correction on the matter. Elvis did not spit on his fans like Beiber did.

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  26. A woman didn't write Heartbreak Hotel nor did he get any credits for doing so. Just goes to further flaunt your ignorance. Elvis has been one of the highest selling recording artists for nearly 60 years the Justin Beiber comparisons are beyond idiotic.

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  27. U mother fucking cunt fuckers, first go n learn how to play a fucking guitar u bithches!!!!!!!!!!!!!Hes started rock, While u bitches suck cock at home!Go fuck ur selves, maybe then u l be worthy to be called humans!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    1. Shut the fuck up you trash! Rockstar Games rule, Elvis sucks! I don't need to be worthy of being a human, cause I am your God, and you are my Dog, and I say they are more worthy then you puny existence, you puny wimp!

      Delete
    2. "Learn how to play a fucking guitar"? I thought you were just supposed to wear it as an ornament, like Elvis did.

      Delete
  28. I TOTALLY AGREE WITH THE PERSON WHO WROTE THIS BLOG ELVIS IS OVERRATED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  29. ELVIS is as GAY AS DUMBLEDORE... imc riosu.. The guy sucks

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  30. I love this and I'm a Puerto Rican female age of 24 (just if your taking statistics btw...lol.) I try to tell my boyfriend that he was the Lady Gaga of today. People write her music don't get much credit... then she plays it to share it with a certain community... which is fine with me (community) they admire her.. but she is probably more talented than Elvis.. I'm a fan of neither. Give me Ella Fitzgerald, Pj Harvey, Garbage, Pearl Bailey, Dorothy Dandridge, Nellie Mckay, Bette Midler, Barbara Streisand, Afrika Bambaataa, Kurtis Blow, The Soulquariams, ...no Elvis, Julie Garland, Tool, Gilberto Santarosa...I know I'm pretty bipolar at music. My point is I love songwriters. If you don't write the music then at least cover it well! and admit your covering it btw please do a Moby Sucks version..for my boyfriend he doesn't believe me!

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  31. I've been saying this for a long time, unfortunately my room mate is a worshiper of the man, and every time I walk into my living room I'm overwhelmed by the amount of Elvis memorabilia that abides there. I mean, if people really like the way he sings, then fine...but why the worship? It kind of weirds me out. He was kinda just a fat guy who sounds like he's singing with a golf ball in his mouth...
    Also I tell my fiancee that every time I fart, I think of Elvis, and vice-versa. Because he smells.

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  32. i just want to say a thing for the people like me who are truly baffled for the amount of fame this elvis guy has. You are not alone. Maybe it's a historical post-war thing that I will never understand but I am judging MUSIC and there are WAY (emphasis) better artist (musicians, singers, composers) that are in no way as recognized as said elvis. And to Mr. Dr.R.W Stoufus it doesn't matter how many awards a person has, awards are given by people most of who are expected to have an opinion. This being the main reason of why mainstream music is so bad nowadays and awards like the grammy are so much bullshit. Awards mean shit if the people giving them are doing it for the fad. My five cents.

    panamanian 21 male if we are doing statistics

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  33. Dr. Doufus should disqualify himself from further commentary, as blathering fandom fairly drips from his posts.

    As a musician for the last 35 years, I bristle any time anyone attempts to put this fraud in the pantheon of great artists of pop/rock music. Not only is he not an artist, he's not much of a musician; his stage show dropped off as the pounds and drugs piled up. Anyone with as much disdain for their audience as he exhibited (pisspoor performances whacked out of his skull on drugs, knowing his fans would've paid top dollar if he had merely walked onstage and farted) deserves to be forgotten.

    As an American, I'm embarrassed that Elvis represented my country in any way. He's not an artist, he's a punch line.

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  34. You got that all right. The sun records era was Elvis. After that he was a joke.

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  35. Great post. Elvis was ugly untalented and couldn't sing just like justin beiber today. The only explanation I have for all these brain dead teeny girls loving them is they are brain dead teeny girls.

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  36. Everyone dissing on elvis here are fags. Period. You're nobodies and couldn't shine his shoes. Chuck Berry fucking sucked and anyone who likes him is a pathetic little dick moron. Eat shit and die queers.

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  37. Elvis swallowed cock. He fucking sucks. Fuck him. Glad he's dead. Fuck all the trailer trash who still buy his albums, blow their social security and welfare on bus trips to Graceland. Burn fucking Graceland to the ground and shit on this fat fuck's grave

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  38. FUCKING IDIOTIC LOSER. YOU'RE RETARDED. ELVIS WAS, IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE THE KING. I CAN PROOF WRONG TO ALL SAYINGS IN THIS ARTICLE BUT I WONT CUZ A PATHETIC MORON LIKE YOU WONT UNDERSTAND AND ISNT WORTH IT. WE, ELVIS FANS ARE BEYOND THAT. SO HAVE AN AWFUL DAY. WORST WISHES. FUCK YOU.

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  39. ^ this guy probably did a lot of baby spinning in his day.

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  40. Why was Elvis such a big deal? I can name a lot of other artists with way more talent with way less recognition.

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    1. He was the first to introduce R&B's to audiences outside a small area in the south, and women loved him. A lot.
      I thought he was uninteresting, so it goes.

      Delete
  41. THANK YOU!I honestly have no idea what people see on him.He was just a fat, lazy giant douche who stole music from talented black musicians.He's most probably the most overrated man in the history of music.

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  42. First, you modern mainstream racists and haters, you got to understand.
    First, he was not as fat Big Mama Thornton, and girls thought Elvis was sexy.
    So they listened to him and not Thornton.
    he put together a act, took music picked up here and there in small town's and was the first to introduced it to people in cities.
    And so became famous to people of his day.

    And everybody was dying for novelty and less energetic music to dance too...
    So he became famous to the people of his day.

    old style music ugh
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IqH3uliwJY

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  43. He. Fucking. Sucks. Anyone who disagrees is a faggot and will be executed immediately.

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  44. well its idiots like you is why this country is going to hell. Yea maybe Elvis didnt write his songs or he just danced around on stage but the thing here is buddy he came from nothing and he made it big by changing the history of music genius, how you ask, well if you knew a dang thing about Elvis he took blues that he heard from the black folks he listen to while growing up and blended it with hill billy rock basically. Now if he was the first to do this i dont know, but i do know this, the guy was the first to put it out there for the world to see like know other entertainer did. Thus rock and roll was created, not just here fool but all over the world. Your apparently jealous that a good looking man who could sing better than anyone than and now pal. So take your stupid ideas and try putting them to people such as snoop dog or say a genius like Jay-z ok, enough said.

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  45. For all intent and purposes the man was larger than life and providence allowed him to wallow in extreme excesses utilizing his slightly surgically enhanced looks and tone of voice and musical talent. One of the writers on the investigative team surrounding his death summarized Elvis as not being a "deep thinker" and his life proved it. His end was a testament to his unrestrained licentious self destruction. In the end he was all alone because his friends were fed up with an aging rock star who defecated himself and needed to be watched 24/7. He was found with buttocks up in the air in a stench. Sad

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  46. Accolades and approval do not matter. In fact, opinions are completely useless because in reality they are bordered from each other.

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  47. Elvis was a piece of shit.Never wrote a song in his life.Could hardly play the guitar and went with under age girls.Elvis pedo Presley was an hack.A big fat lazy assed momma's boy who died having a shit lol

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  48. THIS ARTICLE IS ABOUT TRUTH, I KNOW SOME SONGS ARE CATCHY BUT... I'LL NEVER KNOW WHY PEOPLE ARE SO HYPE ABOUT ELVIS, IT'S LIKE EVERY RECORD OF HIS, WAS THE ALBUM OR THE SONG OF ALL TIME, AND EVEN MORE STUPID THEY THINK HE IS ALIVE.

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  49. Elvis inspired and opened the doors for many fine musical "ARTISTS" that came after him including The Beatles who continue and will continue to inspire for generations to come. That is what he's about. Those who don't understand, simply lack knowledge of Rock history. Do some research before you start talking.

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    1. The Beatles fucking suck too, douchetowel!

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  50. For the Elvis sucks crowd-I would say listen to the CD "Elvis Presley" It has great early songs like Trying to get to you, I was the one, and a cool version of Blue Moon. I have to say can't get into the movies-possibly because they suck. I think he was much more than the Bieber of his day. The Rolling Stones and Beatles all thought Elvis was cool. He never shoved his personal opinions down people's throats like a lot of the idiot celebrities of today.

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  51. finally,someone told the truth about that mediocre,arrogant piece of shit.the only thing in what he succeed was shaking his dick.And his glorified voice very often sounded shitty.

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  52. I am glad you write it down. Average voice,no songwriting skills,can't dance that much but still called "king" :/

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  53. Pathetic...do u feel better about yourself, josh. Google yourself and see the impact u created. Btw... Albert Goldman was a whore...and so are you.turd.

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  54. Pathetic...do u feel better about yourself, josh. Google yourself and see the impact u created. Btw... Albert Goldman was a whore...and so are you.turd.

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  55. "These things I know" and you open this with telling us something you don't know in that "you don't understand...". Well I don't understand either and so I'm not going to form an opinion on it until I do.

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  56. Yes, Elvis is a good singer. Of his time. Some people still like Elvis, and that's okay. We all have our opinions. Yes, I listen to Elvis. I am a fan of him. Do I go on waltzing on about him? Not really. But I still respect the man. We all live in a new generation where we have new artists and new music. But it's not a bad thing to listen to Elvis.

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  57. You can't understand because you are weak. Your opinion is not valid if you don't like Elvis. Now go kill yourself for being weak.

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  58. Ray Charles was pure genius. Fats Domino was an original. Chuck Berry, an innovapor (just ask Brian Wilson). Little Richard and James Brown, showstoppers! Hendrix, otherworldly. Prince, a true artist. Elvis was an interpretor. I'd rather listen to Milli Vanilli than Elvis. At least they admitied they were frauds!!!

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  59. Elvis is probably the most overrated person to ever draw breath.

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