Wednesday, December 2, 2009

What I done did?!?

Ted wanted some beer. Weird. So we drove to the nearest grocery store to procure some. Not too interesting. Definitely not worth writing about. However, the disorderly drunk we saw on the way in certainly is.

As we pulled into the parking lot, I noticed an ambulance. A little weird, but the lights were off and there was no hustle and/or bustle going on around it. We found a parking spot and started walking in. Before we reached the entrance, however, we heard some yelling and noticed there was a police car about ten yards away. I looked to my left and saw an awesome dude having an awesome night.

He had a cop on both sides of him, handcuffs on his wrists, and a big smile on his face. From what I remember, handcuffs aren’t too comfortable so he must have had some other awesome shit going on. Then I noticed that he was unable to walk in a straight line, even with the help of two police officers. Two men walked behind him, one of them obviously a manager of the grocery store, looking very displeased.

Snap judgment: Dude got drunk, went shopping, got a little nutty, and got the cops called on him. No biggie.

They put him in the back of the car, took off the handcuffs, and started talking with the other two men, leaving the car door open while standing next to it. They began discussing what happened and the drunk guy got agitated. Apparently, their account of the situation differed from his.

He got ornery and tried to stand up to let everyone know he was unsatisfied with the circumstances. There was some problem with his cell phone, and its whereabouts.

“Motha fucka I want my cell phone! I just paid fo’ that motha fucka today! Where my fuckin’ cell phone at?”

He began struggling with the cops as they tried to subdue him. This is when all of the drunk man’s dissatisfaction came out. One cop struggled with him through the open door while the other cop ran to the other side of the car, opened the door, and tried to subdue him. At this point, the drunk became a donkey.

“Stop fucking bucking me!” yelled the cop.

“What I done did?!? What I done did?!?” came screeching from the backseat.

While this scenario played out, a group of about ten people gathered to watch. I’m not sure why, but people figured Ted and I had all the information.

“What’s happening?”

“I’m not too sure, we walked up and saw this drunk dude in handcuffs,” I said as the man yelled and flailed in the background. “I’m guessing he was being a little disorderly.”

One woman we talked to was friends with one of the cops. She watched with a smile, obviously proud of her buddy for kicking some inebriated ass.

Eventually, the cops subdued the man and closed the door, breathing a sigh of relief. We decided the show was over so we walked into the grocery store. When we walked out, the scene was calm and the woman we spoke with earlier was talking to her cop friend. As we walked past, she said goodbye to her friend.

“So, what happened?” we asked her.

She looked a little disappointed. “Nothing too exciting,” she said.

“What, were you hoping for a knife or something?”

“Oh, no no no!” she said with a smile.

Too bad. I really wanted to see the cops beat the hell out of that guy. Normally, I’m fervently against police brutality. But, in this situation, I could see how a cop could get frustrated and rattle off a few punches to the face.

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