Tuesday, January 5, 2010

New Year's resolutions are stupid.

If anybody actually stuck to their resolutions there would be no fat people, no smokers, everyone would play an instrument, and everyone would be happy. However, everyone’s fat, smokers are everywhere, and everyone hates their lives. Admit it. You do.

If you make a resolution you might as well throw a penny in a fountain and make a wish. It’s the same hopeful optimism that drives both activities. We all want to believe that if you find a penny, people will give you high-fives for the rest of the day. This, however, doesn’t happen. Ever.

If you make a resolution you might as well resolve to admit that you don’t have the ability to change what you want about yourself. If you really wanted those changes to happen, they would have happened already. Unless you have a near death experience on December 31st that gives you a new outlook on life, stop bullshitting yourself. It’s okay to admit this. No one has the ability to change everything. Sometimes you just are how you are. Think you should stop lying to people all the time? Well, if you have to make a resolution to stop doing it, chances are you won’t be able to stop. You’re a liar. Sorry. Accept it. Same thing goes for working out or dieting or any of the other cliché resolutions.

If you need a calendar day to tell you to do it, you’re just going to devolve to how you were in December, or November, or the rest of your life up until this point. Once the New Year becomes a thing of the past, so will your desire to better yourself. If you are going to try to better yourself, you should be doing it year-round. It should be a constant goal, not something you mark on a calendar. I know that these things need to start at some point. Might as well be January 1st, right? Bullshit. You’re just getting caught up in an annual fad that will dissipate as time moves on. Get back to the Cheetos and video games. Life’s much better that way, anyways.

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