Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Things learned.

A big motivating factor for moving across the country was to see/learn new things. A good way to do this is to meet new people and put yourself into situations you haven’t been in before. This has all been fully accomplished simply by finding the job I have had since January. Not only have I learned a lot more about the city of Atlanta, including many fancy shortcuts, where the hell everything is, and where the hell to stay away from at all costs, but I’ve also learned a lot more about life from my co-workers. Not that I’ve learned the meaning of life from them, but definitely a different perspective.

One of the favorite topics of conversations is women, during which I learn stuff like this:

1. Don’t fuck with no women who ain’t got no money. They’ll eat up all your food while you’re at work and leave your lights on all day.
2. When you slap her on the ass while hittin’ that shit from behind, spread your fingers so if she bangs someone later that day, he’ll still see a perfect outline of the handprint and he’ll know someone’s already been there.
3. Be sure to wrap it up with the pretty ones. They’re the ones with all kinds of diseases you ain’t never heard of ‘cause they get banged the most. The ugly ones you don’t have to worry about.
4. If you’re gonna beat your woman, make sure you get drunk first. Also, it’s better to do it while you’re in college, because you can get away with that shit in college.

I also get to learn new slang, including:

Smash: (verb) – To have sexual intercourse with. Ex: “She was giving me the eye, you know I’m gonna smash that ho.

BWM: (acronym) – Body Made Wrong. Ex: “Her belly stuck out further than her titties. Now that’s a BMW.”

I'll holla at ya: (interjection) - An expression used at parting. Syn: Goodbye

Butterhead: (adjective) – A woman that has a nice body but an unattractive face. I.e. Everything looks good “but her head.” (Also known as a Butterface)

What it do: (interjection) - Used to express a greeting. Syn: Hello

Stupid Booty: (adjective) – A booty that, while being sufficiently fat, is undesirable due to shape, curvature, or lift. Ex: “She got a stupid booty.”

Who: (pronoun) - Although conventionally used for requesting information regarding a person, also used in any situation where information is needed. Ex: "Meet me at 7 o'clock." "Who?" "Seven." "Oh, okay."

Miscellaneous things learned:

1. How to shoot craps.
2. If someone asks for your shoes in jail, it’s best to simply give them away because you’re going to lose them regardless.
3. A large percentage of nurses are assholes.
4. An overwhelming percentage of guards at the jail are assholes.
5. Hopping fences leads to holes in your pants. It doesn’t matter how old you are.

I’m sure I’m forgetting a lot of things right now, but that’s okay. I have a feeling there will be many more entries about work since it’s basically taken over my life lately.

1 comment:

  1. Oh boo hoo. Why don't you write a book about it. :p