Thursday, August 26, 2010

The Ultimate Feminist

Although she became a total wuss since she married that dude from Bush, Gwen Stefani was pissed off in the nineties. Was she pissed because she grew up in Orange County California where the weather is awesome all the time? No. Was she pissed because her band took off, meaning that she’ll never have to punch-in to a real job ever again? No. Was she pissed because she was on the cover of magazines while gladly accepting the adoration of fans the world over?

No, she was pissed because she was oppressed. After all, she’s a girl in captivity.



Women had it pretty rough in the nineties. They were working the same jobs as dudes (although not making equal wages, but still). Lesbians were running amok. Salt N Pepa made promiscuous sex legit. Oh never mind, they could do pretty much whatever they wanted to.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Don't go to sleep.

Last year a friend of mine (named Katrine) and I decided to drive to Colorado from Milwaukee. Sixteen hour drive. She doesn’t have a driver’s license. We loaded up on Airheads, Combos, beef jerky, and 5-hour energy drinks and hit the road. Twenty thousand hours later we ended up next to mountains.

Halfway through Nebraska I lost my mind. Started shaking, couldn’t keep my eyes straight, started rambling meaningless words. So we pulled over to get some food. I thought that may bring me back to normality (totally a word). But we forgot that it was four o’clock in the morning and we were in the middle of bumfuck nowhere Nebraska and all they had was shitty microwave BBQ sandwiches and soggy bananas. So, of course, I ate a shitty microwave BBQ sandwich and half of a soggy banana in hopes of feeling like a person again. Kind of worked. And moved on after watching some redneck trucker shock himself on a toy that’s only use is to shock unknowing people (keep in mind it was labeled very well).

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Islam is not scary.

There’s a debate going on right now about whether a Muslim community center, including a place for Islamic worship, should be built two blocks from Ground Zero in New York. Many people think it’s a slap in the face to all the victims from 9/11, that it’s a tribute to Islam and a victory for the perpetrators of the attack.

Understandable. I can see where these arguments come from, but they’re wrong. The building of this community center, (yes, community center, including a culinary school, swimming pool, and performing arts center) is not of bad-taste, is not going to create more terrorists, and is not a victory for supporters of 9/11.

It’s a community center. That’s it. It’s a place to worship, swim a few laps, and get involved with members of the community. If the Muslim faith wasn’t attached to it, everyone would be saying, “Hell yeah, community centers are vital in large cities.” But Since the word “Mosque” has been attached to it, everyone assumes they’re going to be launching grenades from water-balloon launchers at Ground Zero.

Which is an important distinction to make, by the way. The building isn’t on Ground Zero. It isn’t located in the footprint of the Towers. It’s down the street. A short jog. Further than Brett Favre can throw a football. Out of shouting distance. It’s not like Al-Qaeda said, “First we’ll blow up the towers, hang loose for almost a decade, then build a community center down the street that gives local children a good place to be active and learn as the final ‘Fuck you!’ to America!”

People are outraged by this because they see a headline that says, “Mosque to be Built on Ground-Zero” and they freak out. To a lot of people, Islam equals suicide bombing, and mentions of 9/11 equals fuck-everybody-else. Blind patriotism springs up and eyes become shut off from reason and the actual facts.

The simple truth is that a mosque is nothing more than a place where Muslims practice their faith. The only differences between a mosque and a church or a synagogue are different songs and different names for “God.”

9/11 was a huge attack on America which caused people to “stand up” and “support the beliefs our country was founded on.” However, one of the original beliefs of our country was freedom of religion. That’s why we came over here in the first place. If the community center in New York is not allowed to be built because “it would be shameful to our country,” then we are enormous hypocrites and are only doing exactly what we are trying to stop: The dissolution of the core beliefs of our country.