Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Journey sucks.

A few years ago (and when I say a few, I actually mean somewhere around six) some friends of mine and I got into a pretty heated debate.  It’s a simple question with a simple answer:  Who’s better, Boston or Journey?  The answer, of course, is Boston.  “Hey Josh, Boston only had one good album!”  You’re right.  But that album is fucking awesome.  And don’t tell me that “More Than a Feeling” is played out because that’s not even close to the best part of their self-titled debut album.  Find something as kickass as the high notes in “Rock & Roll Band” at the “Signed a record company contract!” part, and then we can talk. 


But Boston’s kickassity notwithstanding, Journey sucks.  They suck.  Sorry.  You may think you like them, but that’s only because you’ve liked them in an ironic way for so long that you bought into your own bullshit and can’t even remember who you are or what you actually like anymore.  Everyone says they “love” Journey, which is fucking ridiculous.  How many times have you been at a bar/party and “Don’t Stop Believing” comes on, leading to everyone screaming the lyrics at the top of their lungs?  Most likely a bunch unless you sit at home and suck all the time.  Everyone smiles beneath their backwards baseball hats and says, “Shit, man!  I love this song!”

But you don’t.  You don’t love that song.  If are you one of those people who says they like Journey in situations like this, ask yourself this question:  When was the last time you were driving in your car, flipping through your ipod (or CD case, depending on where you are in portable, musical technology) and said to yourself, “Y’know?  I really feel like jammin’ on some Journey.”  Of course there will be exceptions, but I’m willing to bet my balls that 95% of you never say this.  Never even think it.  You know why?  Because Journey sucks and you don’t actually like them.

Their songs sound like what I imagine a 12-year-old girl’s diary would sound like if the words were converted to musical notes.  Steve Perry looks like a guy that would stand outside of an arcade and try to hit on overweight, single moms (because, let’s be honest, they’re the easiest ones to get).  Plus, they made this video.  Now, I bet a lot of people would see that and say, “Dude!  That’s video’s awesome!  LOLZ!!!”  But they’re wrong.  This video sucks.  I don’t care that it was one of the first music videos.  They look like idiots.  You can’t argue with that.

I’m going to give a pass to anyone born before 1970 because that would put you at eleven-years-old when “Escape” came out, and therefore affords you the possibility of having sentimental attachments to these songs.  Anyone born after 1970 is full of shit.  And people born in the 80’s can seriously go fuck themselves. 

It’s funny to say you like Journey, just like it’s funny to say you like to eat black licorice, wear t-shirts with shitty slogans, and ice your bros.  The thing is, no one actually likes that shit, and if they do, they shouldn’t.  Why?  Because all of that shit is stupid.  Listen to Journey's music without thinking of impressing the guy with the tribal sleeve or the girl in the tank top with the flower between her back-fat flanks next Wednesday at karaoke.  It’s horseshit.  It doesn’t “rock,” it doesn’t “wail,” they don’t “shred,” and it certainly isn’t good.  If I see you at a bar and you try to blast anything with Steve Perry’s voice shitting all over the place, I’ll simply turn the jukebox down (a bartender showed me how to do it) and softly hum “Master of Puppets” to myself while you forget what just happened.

20 comments:

  1. Well, I enjoy both bands. And to be honest, Journey is one of the most beastly bands ever. As much as I like Boston, I will honestly ask my dad if he can start playing some Journey songs in his car, which has a media jukebox. And I was born in the late 90's. LONG LIVE JOURNEY!

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  2. Just saw Journey last night and I have to say that you are finally right. They do suck... now. The vocals will never match what Perry was able to do back in the day. Hell, even he can't sound like he used to. Boston? Yeah of course they rocked... on the first album anyways. Second one was pretty much pure shit. Master of Puppets... now that was back when Selloutica didn't suck ass like they started to after the black album.

    Anyways, even though your musical taste isn't what I'd call accurate, interesting post. Journey is over but what they did will never be forgotten despite the haters.

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  3. I'm pretty sure nobody cares much about your opinion considering the vast success of the band Journey. If you're into heavy metal then find it's your taste, yet heres some criticism I've never quite understood what the hell Metallica was saying and I think they're overrated and sold their souls completely to socoety with all strings still attached.

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  4. Brah, you are so right. Journey totally sucks. Thanks for saying exactly what I think every time Journey comes on at a party/bar.

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  5. Journey Sucks like shit u re definitely right The hole Arena rock does suck but they are like kings of AOR rock syndrom ,in my opinion jefferson starship sucks highly too and of course phil collins Geez how I thank God to let me discover rolling stones, led zeppelin cream hendrix etc when i was a kid in the eighties cause if not i would certainly never be inerested in pop music or become journey phil collins lady gaga justin timberlake or bieber fan

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    1. Maaaan i can feel you !I was born in 1980 exactly 6 days after John Lennon passed away..., same year that John Bonham , Bon Scott died and certainly a good part of Rock'n'roll too. I don't say everything in 80's Arena rock, Aor and co. suck, but pick up a mediocre album from a mediocre rock band ( let's say Uriah Heep) and it would be at least 10 times more entertaining than the best REO speedwagon or Journey or whatever the 80's produced...If I haven't discover music from 60's and early 70's sat the age of 7 ( in 1987) I wouldn't bother about Music in any ways...cause there's no way to like Phil Collins or Journey, or Lady Gaga...and people who say they like have no taste at all...

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  6. I have actually been driving in my car, flipping through my iPod and thinking "Let's jam to some Journey" quite a few times.

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  7. Dude, you didn't need to stop at Journey. You could put a lot of bands in the same category. Here's a few: Styx, Night Ranger, Genesis, Eagles, Thin Lizzy . . . By the way, I saw Boston about 3 years ago without Delp--they had that singer they found in a Home Depot. Even with that tool singing lead, they kicked ass.

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    1. Bruh, I'm with you up to Thin Lizzy. C'mon, man.

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  8. Metallica are the Journey of metal.

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  9. Amen!

    I just ran and stopped “Don’t Stop Believing” from playing because my head was going to fucking explode.

    Absolutely, positively one of the worst and overrated bands in history. Thanks for the blog.

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  10. I don't like Journey either.. but who cares?? Why are you so offended by other peoples preferences? Well if you are a Metallica fan, that makes sense to me.

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  11. ..and of course METALLICA ARE THE JOURNEY OF METAL. People say they love Metallica, says that Master of Puppets is the best album ever blah blah blah BUT, most of Metallifans don't like any other Metal band (A metal fan don't like just ONE BAND) and seem to foget LOAD, RELOAD, the NAPSTER thing, St ANGER, the haircuts. In my book to be a Journey fan or a Metallica fan is equally lame.Up The Irons!

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  12. All of you on about Metallica, here is the difference:

    Metallica used to be good; Journey never was. Regardless of what Metallica did or didn't do later, at one time they made great albums for their genre.

    And about that sellout bit -- Know why Steve Perry is in Journey? They did several albums before him. They actually grew out of the remnants of Santana's early 70s band. They never caught on as a prog band, so they got a cute guy with a high voice so they could go commercial. It worked, and they came to be adored by suburban housewives all over the U.S. in the 80s.

    Meanwhile, those of us who were old enough to listen to music then mostly though they were shit. Face it, if you are drawn to this crap, then you are, at your core, a product of milquetoast, U.S., suburbia. Journey never rocked; they were lame music for yuppies, particularly by the time they started doing songs like "Don't Stop Believing."

    And it's OK. Go rock out to Journey. Sing with your friends when the bar closes. Just know that who you see yourself as might not actually be who you are.

    Great blog post. Spot on.

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  13. You are my hero. I was Googling "Journey Sucks" due to the fact that a few weeks ago, those were the words that turned an entire class full of mostly characterless, boring, Creative Writing course students against me. (I needed the Writing Intensive Credit) When I think of Journey in the modern day world, I think of people who are not smart enough to be funny, that they have to watch Family Guy every week in order to parrot the lines of Peter and Stewie whenever they try to get people to like them. I was googling "Journey Sucks", to see if there was a website that can prove me wrong. I've yet to be convinced that "Journey is Awesome". I'm willing to bet that over 80% of the "Journey is Awesome" crowd, doesn't know any fucking songs other than "Don't Stop Believing".

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  14. Also, here's a trick. If someone dares to play "Don't Stop Believing" from a internet connected jukebox, if you want to piss people off, drop a couple dollars in it yourself and search for 2112 by rush. Most of the time, they have the entire song which is about 20 min long. That means that with 3 dollars, you can drive every crazy for an entire hour. People will be forced to wait 20 min for their song, only to have 1 song play, and then have to wait another 20 min for another song to play.

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  15. Journey is a precision, flamboyant, unrelenting powerhouse of a band. From a purely musicianship standpoint they are extremely competent. But they SUCK to me! They seem to be constantly "show-boating" fancy licks and phrases with no heart. Big bold rock anthems with no theme, no clue, no excitement. But boy are they technically competent.

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  16. Journey is a precision, flamboyant, unrelenting powerhouse of a band. From a purely musicianship standpoint they are extremely competent. But they SUCK to me! They seem to be constantly "show-boating" fancy licks and phrases with no heart. Big bold rock anthems with no theme, no clue, no excitement. But boy are they technically competent.

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  17. Journey was a good band until 2007:Case closed

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  18. Journey with Greg Rolie is a different breed of animal than Journey with Perry.

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