Saturday, January 28, 2012

Bill Clinton is Awesome


If you don’t think William Jefferson Clinton, our great nation’s 42nd president, is awesome than you’re an idiot, a loser, or a combination of the two.  It’s not just because he won two presidential elections in a row (the first Democratic President to be elected more than once since FDR), introduced clauses to help American workers before signing NAFTA, and helped the economy flourish, but because he did so with so much fucking style.

He played sax on Arsenio Hall, he admitted to smoking weed (no one bought the “I didn’t inhale” bullshit), and he campaigned on MTV.  After staring at George Bush (the first one) for four years and Ronald Reagan for eight years before that, the country needed something other than a mummified librarian that would break if pushed over running our country.  Actually, we all know that the president is little more than a figurehead that puts a smiling face on our inefficient government, so instead of running the country, I’ll say “simultaneously accepting the credit and blame for our country.”  Aside from all of that, check this guy out.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Post Renaissance Sucks

A few days ago we hit a speed bump while searching for an apartment.  The speed bump was man-made (as most are) and I was a little pissed off.  I proceeded to compose an all-out internet assault on the perpetrator.  Except for posting the inflammatory blog, I put the assault into action.  Eventually, everything was straightened out and the guilty parties acted in a very nice way and actually asked for the denigrating content to be removed from the web.  After having enough time to take a few deep breaths and after everything worked out fine, I decided to back off of the assault.

But, the post had been written, and I still think it's a little funny so I might as well post it.  In a gesture of gratitude for the quick rectification of the situation, I will rescind the name of the guilty party.  Those who knew me in Atlanta, however, will be able to know who I'm talking about (my former residence).  The original post follows verbatim, except the name of the perpetrator has been removed and replaced with (NAME DELETED).  So every time you see that, imagine the asshole's name in its place.

UPDATE 1/31/12:   We got our security deposit back and, wait a minute let me rephrase that, we got our notice that we own them more money today.  They used all of the money from our security deposit and still say we owe them another $500 to repair the apartment.  Five-hundred dollars.  Keep in mind the apartment was fine.  We didn't put any holes in the walls.  We didn't have any broken windows.  There was nothing wrong with the apartment but they want FIVE-HUNDRED more dollars than we already gave them (which was a lot).  So in honor of this, I'm going to rescind my previous nice gesture by re-posting this entry unedited.  Fuck you Post Renaissance.

Here you go.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Traffic sucks


I thought living in Atlanta and working in my car during rush hour was bad enough, but then I moved to Los Angeles.  Well, not exactly Los Angeles quite yet.  I’m staying in Yorba Linda with my very generous aunt and uncle while trying to figure out my life in the city.  This means that I have made the forty-ish mile drive into the city every day this week.  At best, I make it there in just over and hour.  At worst, it takes close to two hours.  This isn’t due to bad luck with red lights, slow speed limits, or low tire pressure, it’s simply due to the fact that there are too many fucking cars on the road.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

The Drive


I used to enjoy driving.  When I was in high school, I would just jump into the 1987 Chevy Astro van, blast some music, and head to a stretch of road that ran along farm fields and held just as many kids smoking pot as it did people with legitimate business.  I would simply drive along the road, all by myself, enjoying the empty asphalt and singing along with whatever terrible band I was into when I was sixteen (probably of the nu-metal variety).

But now, driving sucks.  I worked as a delivery driver in downtown Atlanta for two years and my shifts started in the peak of afternoon rush hour.  My road rage had built to intimidating proportions and the former joy and sense of freedom I had gained from driving has been replaced by a deep-rooted hatred of my fellow drivers and perpetual annoyance with their habits.

That being said, I just drove across the fucking country.  Eastern Time Zone to Pacific Time Zone.  Altogether, it took forty hours in the car.  I packed my car full of all of my belongings and my dog, Ted packed his car with all of his belongings and his dog, and we drove until the end of time, trying to camp along the way when the weather wasn’t dangerous.  We stretched it out over five days because we wanted to try to enjoy the trip instead of wanting to explode because we felt trapped inside a tiny box flying down the highway.  That feeling of wanting to explode happened anyway, but at least there were a few things to break up the monotony.