Monday, February 13, 2012

We Love Dead People


Whitney Houston died and that’s a bummer.  But not anymore of a bummer than the fact that other people I don’t know have died this week.  I don’t get jazzed when people die, but I also don’t get clinically depressed when a person that I have never talked to, been near, or physically affected anything that has ever affected anything that has affected her (and likewise) dies.  I don’t give a shit about Whitney Houston anymore that I give a shit about the person that lives three lots north of your mother’s childhood home.  Don’t know them (unless I do).  Don’t really care (then I do).

I understand that it sucks for everyone who knew the person that lived three lots north of your mother’s childhood home and I feel bad for that.  For the living people.  But the fact that the person I don’t know is dead fails to influence me emotionally in any major way.  This is one of the reasons I think everyone freaking out about Whitney Houston’s death is a little ridiculous.

Friday, February 10, 2012

7-8-9 Plan


A lot of people live their lives the wrong way.  I’ve been saying this for a while but I’ve never put it together in a perfectly succinct manner that renders all opposition to my viewpoint blatantly incorrect.  I just thought about it five minutes ago, so it’s definitely thought all the way through and completely irrefutable.  It’s called the 7-8-9 Plan, and it will show you how to live a happy life.  It goes like this:

7 hours of work, 8 hours of sleep, and 9 hours of free time five days every week.