Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Picking off Politics

Election years are awful.  Statistically, these are the years we are lied to on the most consistent basis (it’s true, look it up on…the internet).  Everywhere you look, someone is yelling about something that they believe to be the 100% only way to do something at someone who believes the exact opposite.  Commercials are calling people assholes, billboards have dead fetuses condemning policies, and everything kind of seems like when Rowdy Roddy Piper puts on the sunglasses in They Live Every four years.  And it’s not like it lasts for a month.  This shit goes on for a year. 

In England, the election cycle lasts one month.  Which is enough time for politicians to get the word out about their views and debate their opponent.  Which is, actually, all you really need.  We don’t need to know what kind of person the candidate was in the seventies or what their favorite soup is.  That shit doesn’t matter.  But that shit is what a lot of people base their vote on. 

“Romney tied his dog to his roof!  No way I’m voting for a dog-tie-er!”

“Obama ate dog when he was younger!  No way I’m voting for a dog eater!”

Neither of these things will affect the way each guy will make choices on the budget, or where to bomb next, or what civil liberties to revoke.  But they have each gotten plenty of air time.  Why?  Because we are fucking stupid.

And it’s that basic notion that leads me to say, “Fuck politics.”  I don’t want to hear about it.  Not from politicians themselves, not from their supporters or detractors, and certainly not from you.  Whoever you are.  Unless you are Bill Clinton.  Then you can hang out all day and tell me what’s up.  But everybody else can fuck off.

It’s such a divisive subject that gets people all jazzed up to the point of yelling and personal insults.  I had a psycho on facebook threaten my life after I made a few cracks about his politician.  That’s insane.  We put too much stock into our candidates when we don’t even know anything about them.  Even if you read up on your candidate, watch every speech, and read every interview, you still only know the side of them that they want you to.  It’s like saying you know a can of Pepsi.  You’ve been drinking it for years and seen all of the commercials (they have made sure of that).  But what, exactly is in a Pepsi?  You don’t know.  Even if you read the ingredients, you still don’t know what half of that shit means.  Phosphoric acid?  Colorings?  (To tell you the truth, I don’t fully understand what caffeine is.  A chemical that makes you hyper.  Yeah, but why?)

Point is, we don’t know what we’re talking about but act as if people that don’t agree with our half-formed opinions (that we portray as rock-solid) are stupid idiot retards that just don’t “get it.”  Either that or we assume they are just assholes.   This could be due to polemic news coverage, common human indecency, a fear of being proven wrong, or any other of the many things that influence us to act shittily. 

No matter what the reason, this is the way it is.  Rational discourse just doesn’t happen when it comes to politics.  What an example?  Okay.  

Remember these “town hall meetings” and “debates” that just erupted into people chucking rocks at each other?  And this was about health care.  How could people argue about health care?  Should sick people be taken care of?  Yes.  No debate.  But people got all riled up and shit like this happened.

People frequently talk about how we’re the greatest country in the world and how the democratic system is the best and we’re so lucky that blah blah blah…  When you really take a look at our government, it sucks.  They don’t accomplish anything (besides bombing shit and, apparently, getting hookers) and argue with each other like a bunch of 8-year-olds.  “Oh, you want to pass that budget?  No.  Why do I say ‘no?’  Because fuck you that’s why.”

When a member of one side defects to the other side, or supports something the other side is working on, it’s always big news.  Republicans and Democrats hate each other and refuse to work together.  Red and blue.  You know who else refuses to work together and identifies with red and blue?  Bloods and Crips.  The gangs that we learned about from Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg (fuck that Snoop Lion shit).  Bloods/Republicans vs. Crips/Democrats.  Think about that shit, bro.

I think it would be better to live in a monocracy.  That way, we wouldn’t have to deal with elections.  We also wouldn’t be able to bitch about every single thing the leader does because dissent would be met with beheadings.  Sure, the loss of freedom of speech would suck but I think it’s a sacrifice I’d be willing to make.  I’d have to give up my right to say things like, “Fuck whoever is in charge, I’m going to light my dick on fire and show it to a kid,” but I don’t really need to say things like that anyways.  It’s not like I have Tourette’s.  But at least I wouldn’t have to hear everything that the casually misinformed and overly amplified general population has to say.  I think that’s a fair tradeoff. 

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