Thursday, January 10, 2013

Second Amendment is First Loser



Gun violence has become the center of discussion since we had about 2,000 or so mass shootings over the past year.  Each of which has created a celebrity of the shooter and has outraged liberals who call for stricter gun laws and regulations.  This is inevitably met with the pro-gun crowd who are quick to tell you to go fuck yourself, that it’s their right to have a gun, and it’s downright American to possess a firearm.  However, those people are fucking stupid.

Guns were written into the constitution a long fucking time ago.  Back then, Americans were still worried that they would wake up to find a British soldier skull-stomping their children, so guns were, if not a necessity, at least easily justified.  Also, their guns were basically kick ass slingshots.  You could shoot at someone, as long as they were within about fifty or so yards, and then pull out your gunpowder and that rod thingy and spend the next 15 seconds (if you were a Musket Master) reloading your boomstick.  This is a pretty stark contrast to the insane hand cannons that people carry around today.  And that shit is straight up horrifying.

The NRA is basically the headquarters for these dipshits.  Wanna see some funny/paranoid/stupid shit?  Go check out their website.  The main thing they have going on is “explaining to you what the liberal, biased, bullshit media refuses to say,” (not a direct quote).  They’re so busy defending themselves that they fail to make any valid points.  That’s because their only points are, “Having a gun is American,” and “You can’t take my gun away,” and “My gun is my right,” and so forth.  The NRA has a history of being retarded and they’re not going to let the 21st century change any of that.  Since the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School (remember that?), the NRA has fallen back into the spotlight and is soaking it up.  They say that have received 8,000 new memberships since the shooting. 

This is a little baffling.  It seems that people are afraid the government is going to take away their guns (because maybe the government will realize that it isn’t a good idea for everybody to have a fucking gun) so they are grouping together, stocking up, and preparing for harsher restrictions on buying weapons.  Joining the NRA might feel like a comfort, that as long as they are banded together the government won’t be able to take away their beloved guns.  This is fucking retarded.  I’m gonna say that everybody that joined the NRA did so while slamming Mountain Dew and eating pork rinds.  Definitely not true, but that’s probably not too far off.

“Criminals have illegal guns.  As long as they can have guns, I should have a gun.”  This is an argument I’ve heard many times.  And it’s a valid point.  Our society has gotten to the point where we can’t really just outlaw guns and have everybody turn them in.  There will still be idiots with AK-47s shooting into the sky at midnight on New Years who will also use their bullets to hold up a 7-Eleven every here and there.  But you know what?  There is another way to do this.  This idea of having a gun-free paradise where kids don’t get shot by stray bullets on their way to the bus stop isn’t akin to a world where everybody hugs and knows each others names.  It can actually happen.  You know why I think this?  Because it is already happening.  And big surprise, the Japanese were the onesto figure it out.

I spoke with some dude from Belgium at work the other day, and he was telling me about how guns are viewed in Japan.  This is all hearsay, so I’m not saying this is 100% accurate.  But it’s a good story, so here goes:

Guns are very hard to come by in Japan.  So hard, in fact, that even the gangs generally don’t use guns.  He told me of a story he read where someone brought a gun to a gang fight and everybody, including people in his own gang, were like, “Whoa dude…chill out.  Not cool.”

Now, the lack of any concrete facts in that story makes it seem like a fable, but I’m going to go ahead and believe it.  The fact that gun-related deaths in Japan are as low as they are lead me to believe that even if this exact sequence of events didn’t happen, there had to be actual examples of something along these lines happening.  However, I’m feeling too lazy to find such an example.  I mean, c’mon, you can use Google just as well as I can.  Figure it out.

“Gun-related death rates in the United States are eight times higher than they are in countries that are economically and politically similar to it.”  Read that again.  Eight times higher.  That’s absolutely insane.  The gun culture in our society is completely out of hand.  We idolize guns in movies, music, and television.  We always have.  Gangsters were cool back when they used Tommy Guns and even more so now that they hold the gun sideways.  Aside from how we as a society view guns, our laws are out of control, too.  I mean, read this shit.

How is owning a gun a right but having the choice to abort a baby that is the product of a rape not?  How is owning a gun a right but the choice to marry whoever the fuck you want not?  We cry out for our personal freedoms and complain like the Taliban was sodomizing a saint when any sort of regulation goes into effect.  But if the reason for the regulation is the fact that people are dying every day, I think we need to look at our gripes and judge them from a subjective viewpoint before we start waving our flags and yelling hollow slogans.

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