Thursday, November 7, 2013

Six Insults From the Early 90s That Deserve a Comeback

Every generation complains about the next.  Our parents complained about us, and we complain about the kids our friends are having (because let’s face it, we’re not mature enough to ignore a child for the next 18 years).  That being said, kids these days are a bunch of no-good hooligans.  It’s a short step from causing a kid to look up from their smart phone to being told, “Shut up you goddamn piece of fucking shit cocksucker.”  No tact, that’s probably the part that stings the most.  But as us “Millennials” (which is not nearly as badass as “Generation X” but at least not as much of an afterthought as “Generation Y”) know, shit was way cooler in the early nineties.  Nowadays, you have kids bullying each other into suicide after raining insults on them via chat rooms or Skype or bullhorns or whatever.  But back when having access to cable was hella cool, insults were something you could toss at somebody and they would either return the attitude, shrug it off, or let it fester in their gut until it would manifest itself later in life as some unhealthy habit (which might explain my college roommate chasing shots with pickle juice).  Anybody can convey their dislike with vulgarity, but it takes a true connoisseur to do it with class.

It’s about time for the new generation (Do they have a name?  Generation Z?) to start recycling some of our phrases much like they recycle our clothes from thrift stores or our episodes of Fresh Prince.  Let’s face it, these terms and phrases are like fine wine; they are complex and only get better with age.  So, to help the little tykes out, here is a list of six insults that deserve a comeback.